The Power Of Showing Up And Loving More

We challenge the reflex to sit on the sidelines and make a clear case for everyday participation at home, at work, and in the community. Through stories, Stoic insights, and four weekly challenges, we show how small acts shift identity, spark momentum, and spread courage.

• defining the bystander trap and its costs
• choosing participation over commentary in public life
• applying stoic wisdom to love and family
• practice shaping game-time reactions at home
• showing up, speaking up, and stepping in
• four challenges for momentum and identity
• the 10 percent rule for meaningful impact

Fix one small thing, encourage one person publicly, finish something you’ve been putting off, and clean up something that isn’t yours

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:09

Welcome to Life Notes with Sheldon, where we talk about ways to get off the sidelines and back into the game of life as your best youth.

From Commentators To Participants

Defining The Bystander Trap

Why We Wait And Watch

Innovations Born From Annoyance

Participant At Home And Family

Stoic Wisdom And Loving More

Practice Shapes Game Time

Show Up Speak Up Step In

Four Weekly Participation Challenges

Be The One And Raise Standards

Keep Trying Even If Not Pro

SPEAKER_00 0:30

Hello friends, and thank you for joining me on Life Notes with Sheldon, where we talk about ways to get you off of the sidelines and back into the game of life as your very best self. As I was walking in today, I saw a lady walking out of the building next door, and she had a shirt, and on the back of it said, The world needs your special kind of magic. The world needs your special kind of magic. I like that. I really like that. And it got to me thinking, you know, what is the special kind of magic that I have to offer the world? So I'd ask you the same question. What is that special, unique kind of magic that you have to offer the world around you? And by the world, I mean the people around you in your surrounding community and the world. What is your special magic? What is it? Whatever it is, find out what it is and use it. But today we're going to talk about not being a bystander. Why it's important to not be a bystander in the game of life. The power of showing up. So in a world full of critics and commentators, what if we chose to be participatants? Participants. What if we chose to be participants? Instead of being commentators and critics, and man, if you turn on the television, it seems like everybody or or YouTube or any social media account, there's so many critics and commentators. You know, it there was there was Rush Limbaugh who was like the master talk radio commentator of our time, you know, arguably. And now everybody does it. It's like everybody is a Rush Limbaugh. I mean, it's everywhere. Everyone has a talk show or a podcast, and they're they're participants and commentators. I'm I'm I'm a commentator, I'm a critic on here, I suppose, to some degree. So what if we chose to be participants instead of idly criticizing and commentating on what's going around us, but to actually be participants with everything in the national news. So in a world full of critic and critics and commentators, how do we be a participant instead of just a bystander? And why is it more important us? Well, here's the uncomfortable truth. Most of the things that bother us are actually invitations. Maybe they bother you because they're assigned to you. Maybe they bother you because you know there's something that you should be doing about it. Or that there's something that you could be doing about it. So what is a bystander, friends? A bystander is someone who notices but does not act, complains but does not contribute, waits for permission, and assumes someone else will handle it. Again, a bystander notices but doesn't act, complains but doesn't contribute, waits for permission, assumes someone else will handle it. And it's interesting, you know, if it's something as simple as an elderly person at Sam's Club trying to lift something into their cart, you'll find that there's two or three people that jump to go do it, and there's, you know, those people that are the bystanders that just watch, kind of waiting, you know, is someone else gonna do this? Is someone else gonna do it? Well, if we wait through life waiting to see if someone else is going to do it, they might not. And we might not be able to get to do it, and it may not get done. So communities don't decline overnight, they erode slowly when good people stay silent and when good people are not engaged, when good people assume that someone else will handle it. How many things in life could be improved upon, could be taken care of, could be fixed if somebody would just get up and start to do it? Start that petition, start that group, start that neighborhood awareness program. Do whatever you can to start getting back into the game, to become not a bystander, but a participant. Now, why do we become bystanders? Well, of course, there's fear. What if I fail? What if they don't? What if I speak up and no one listens to me? Or what if I speak up and they make fun of me? What if I speak up and it doesn't work? Well, you know, we have to take that first step. And that first step is overcoming our fears and jumping in and starting. Then there's our comfort blanket. I'm busy, I have enough going on, I don't want to rock the boat. My life is just great as it is, I don't need to change anything. And then, of course, cynicism. Why bother if nothing changes? Right? Maybe we've gotten involved before, maybe we've jumped into the game before and it didn't change anything or it didn't work. If it bothers you, it might be assigned to you. If something's bothering you, it might be assigned to you. It may be specifically assigned to you for a reason to notice it, to be bothered by it, and then to be able to do something about it. It's interesting that if you look at the majority of the very best innovations of our time, they all started because somebody didn't like something. Something annoyed them, or it hurt one of their friends or their family members. And they thought, you know, I can make this better. I can alleviate this scourge on humanity. I can, you know, make opening a can an easier task or a safer task. And they notice these problems, they notice that they're bothering people, they realize, you know what, I can make this better. I can step in and do it. Imagine where we would be in technology, in healthcare, if people just let things go by as bystanders. If nobody stepped up, if nobody said, you know what, this has killed enough people, I'm going to do something about it. Or this has caused enough pain, I'm going to do something about it. If people were just bystanders, but thank goodness there are those who are not, who jump into the game, who get into the game, who rally others together and who get things done. So, friends, I'll ask you, where are you in your life right now? Are you a participant or a bystander in your home? In your family, are you a participant or a bystander? Do your kids come home and hardly notice you're there because you're just this bystander in the corner? Or are you actively engaged and involved? Are you a participant? Are you in the game of life with your family? Are you in the game of life with your husband or wife or partner? Or are you just this bystander in their lives? Because in the end of it all, I think that the lion's share of us are going to wish that we were active participants in life, especially when it comes down to those that we love and care about. Ryan Holliday is one of the greatest uh authors, I think, of our time in many ways, because he he's he knows so much about Stoic philosophy, but he applies it in such a real way to life that we can all relate to and all, you know, bring the wisdom of Stoic philosophy into our lives and apply it to our day, which it is so relevant, so incredibly relevant. If you read the works of the Stoics, you'll be uh shocked and surprised almost to think that it wasn't written for our day, but also in our day. So much of it is applicable. And, you know, I I bought some of his latest books, um The Daily Dad. It's just kind of these daily motivations for dads specifically. And I'd forgotten to give him for Christmas the year before last, and I came across them in a box and I opened it up again. I I actually listened to the whole thing a couple years ago, but I opened the box and uh I put one in my reading area that every morning I do a little reading before I wake up and get into the world. And um I read the one for today and I read the one for yesterday, and and they were both on the power of love. And one of the things really stuck with me. The lady's name was Frances, and she had a son that was getting ready to go into Harvard, a very bright, talented son, and had a beautiful future ahead of him, and he was hit with a very aggressive, uh, awful form of cancer. And for over a year he battled it, and they just watched him steadily decline until eventually it took his life. And they said that uh the only thing that Frances regretted, the only thing that she said is, I wish I would have loved him more. And Frances, the mom, was an incredibly loving mother, perhaps one of the most loving. And this was her greatest regret. I just wished I would have loved them more. Powerful, powerful of all the things. I just wish I would have loved them more. And he says, you know, when you get to the end of this life, it's going to be about those relationships with your kids, with your family. And I think we're all going to have that regret to some degree. Is I just wish I would have loved him a little more. I wish I would have told them. And he says, you know, no matter how much effort we put into letting our kids know, we'll be woefully inadequate. Those words are the words he used. They stuck with me. Woefully inadequate. We just will not be able to do it possibly enough. It shouldn't stop us from trying, friends. Go home and love your family. Go home and love your kids. Tell them, praise them, give thanks to them. And when you mess up, fix it and don't be cocky and arrogant, but ask for forgiveness and apologize and try and keep trying and keep showing up to the practice of life. Keep showing up to the game of life as your very best self. You know, life is kind of like ball, you know, to some degree. You know, we we practice and we practice and we practice, but how we practice determines how we show up in the game. It absolutely is. There's no alternative, there's no easy path, there's no way around it. How we practice is how we show up, what we're doing every day, what we're bringing into our mind, what we're bringing into our hearts, what we're reading, what we're studying, who we're associating with, all of those things make us or break us when it comes down to game time. And game time is what happens when our kids annoy us, or our wife does that thing that drives us crazy, or whatever it may be, right? Game time happens. And we have to be ready to jump in the game. And how are we going to be in there? Are we going to be practiced and prepared? Or are we going to be distracted, scared, and woefully inadequate? It depends on what we do, what we do each day and how we do it. So, friends, I would echo his plea for us to go and love our children, tell them, praise them, let them know, do not be a bystander. If in any place in life you're a bystander, we certainly can't afford to be in our own homes and in our own families. So if we're not going to be a bystander, what does a non-bystander do? Well, first of all, they show up. And they show up early, prepared and consistently, but perhaps most of all, they show up consistently, right? They come and they keep coming to the game and they keep coming to the practices and they speak up when they feel something, when they have a question, they speak up. They're active participants. You've seen it when you go to conferences or meetings. There's those people who really want to be there, who really want to learn. And they're sitting in the front, they're asking questions. They're active and they're proactive. They show up, they speak up, and they step in. When others step back, they step in. You know, there was a thing that happened with a little league coach a couple years ago. Uh, he got mad at some things some parents said, I guess, or something, and so he quit mid-season. And uh, you know, I don't know what happened. I I can't judge the person or the situation, but it it it bothered me. And uh it obviously didn't bother me enough, but it bothered someone else enough that they stepped in. This lady stepped in, stepped up, and she took over this team and has taken it on since. And that's what it is, friends. It's it's being able to step up when we're needed most and to step in, to hop in when we're needed it and to do those things that we need to do. Whether it's fix the problem, whether it's doing the dishes without being told in our homes, whether it's having that hard conversation with a coworker or someone we have a relationship with, we step up, we step in, we speak up, and we show up. So this week, I have some challenges that I would like to offer for each of us. And the first is to fix one small thing. Fix one small thing that we can do. What's one small thing we can do? Maybe in our morning routine, maybe we can set our alarm clock for 15 minutes earlier to be able to step into the game of life as our better self. What's something small we can do? Maybe we can have a small reading time in the morning. Maybe we can practice that writing down three things we're grateful for, which by the way, has a greater effect proven on happiness than just about anything else that they have found scientifically. Writing down three things that you are grateful for can affect your happiness big time, long term. So I want you to fix one small thing, and I'd like you to encourage one person publicly. Maybe you're at church, maybe you are on the ball field, maybe you are at a corporate meeting, maybe you're at, I don't know, a politic dinner for your church, whatever it is, encourage someone publicly. I'm so grateful for brother so-and-so, or I am so grateful for Mr. Rogers, or I'm so grateful for whoever it is. They did this, and it really meant a lot to me. Friends, if you see somebody who is not being a bystander, who is jumping in, who's in the game of life, who's active, who's participating, who's trying, praise them publicly. Let them know you're thankful for them. And then finish something that you've been putting off, no matter how small, hopefully decent sized, right? It may not be the biggest thing in the world because you can't complicate that, you can't complete that until next week's show in a week, probably. But finish something you've been putting off. Have you been wanting to organize your garage? Have you been going to clean out your closet or clean out your drawers? Something that you can do that you've been putting off and just jump in and get it done. I saw this great little meme on Facebook or someplace the other day, and it showed two pictures, and one of them was with the guy in his like apartment or dorm, and it was total just trash everywhere. Everything strewn about and clothes and drawers unorganized. And it said that was worrying about it. That's what worrying about it is. And then it showed this dormitory area where he was staying afterwards, organized and picked up and tidy and looking great. And he said, This is what doing something about it is. So that's what worrying about it is, friends. It clutters up our mind, it clutters up our lives. What doing does, proactively doing, can bring us order, can end chaos, and can help prevent it. And then for the fourth thing, I'd like you to clean up something that isn't yours. Clean up something that isn't yours. I'll tell you something. I had a I had an interesting observation, and a friend that I worked with, Tomas, we called him. Uh I had gone to the bathroom right in the morning, and it happened to be a number two type situation, and I didn't think anything of it. I just came out and I flushed the toilet and went on my business. Well, he came out and went to the bathroom and came out in front of the meeting and said, Hey, Sheldon, a courtesy flush and brush would have been nice. I hadn't even heard a flush and brush. I'm like, what is that? Well, you know, apparently when you go to the bathroom, sometimes things can stick on there and look really nasty to the next person that goes into the bathroom. So that courtesy flush and brush stuck with me, right? The things that we do sometimes leave messes. Sometimes they are messy, and sometimes they leave residue, and sometimes they just, you know, if you make a mess, clean it up. It's common courtesy, but I I like that example. I call it the flush and brush because it makes me think of that when I go places. You know, when I go to the parking lot, am I thinking, yeah, I don't want to return this shopping cart, but I should. I'm gonna take it to the front, I'm gonna take it to the thing. Or, you know what, there's a piece of trash on the floor at the park. I'm gonna pick it up. Try and be that steward. So fix one small thing, encourage one person publicly, finish something you've been putting off and clean up something that isn't yours. Because momentum builds identity, momentum builds character, and momentum can help us get to where we want to be. But it just starts by doing those first things. So, friends, where are you right now? Where do you feel you are in your life? Do you feel like you're a bystander? Or do you feel like you're someone who's stepping up and stepping in? And maybe in many respects, you're both in different settings in life. But when it comes to those that are most important, your family, your relationship, and your core team of supporters, that can be a combination of work and both, your core team. Are you a bystander or are you a participant? And how is this affecting those around you? How would being a greater, more effective participant affect them? Could it inspire them to assume leadership roles? Could it inspire them to inspire others? You know, there's this residual effect in life. The things that we do, they always come back to us like a boomerang, but they go out and they make waves. It really does everything we do. Some call it the butterfly effect, but the things that we do, they make differences. And there's a long wave wank that it affects others around them. So start being a participant in life. Step in, step up, and be active. Be active in them. Imagine if 10% more of us stopped watching and started leading. Just 10%. 10% of us. Now imagine if maybe we just started leading maybe 10% more of the time. What a difference we could make. What a difference 10% could make in our life. 10%. Right?$1 out of 10. Doesn't seem like that much, but it adds up over time. So you don't need a title, and you don't need permission, and you don't need applause. You just need courage and a little resolve. Friends, it's easy to step back in life. It's easy to let someone else do it. It's easy to sometimes give up hope. And it's easy to sometimes mistakenly feel like our small voice doesn't have any power. Or our small step is not going to help climb the mountain. But friends, your small step inspires others to get up and start walking. Your small voice inspires others to step up and talk and stand up for what's right when they see something's wrong. Your small action invites and inspires others to action when it's needed most. History, friends, isn't shaped bystanders. It's shaped by people who stepped forward, especially when it was inconvenient. So this week, don't wait. Don't complain. And don't assume someone else will do it. Because more often than not, they won't, especially if it pertains to your stewardship. Be the one. Show up, be useful, leave it better, protect what matters, raise our standards, and don't be a bystander. Friends, I'm grateful for you. I'm grateful for all that you do for our community. It takes a village, and you are an important part of that village. Ten percent can make a huge difference. So I invite us all to find out ways we can do that 10% to jump back into the game of life as an active participant, inspiring and helping and mentoring those around us. We're not going to be perfect at it. And we're probably not going to master it anytime soon. But that should never stop us from trying. Friends, I coach little leagues sometimes on my son's team. I help coach. And it's one of the funnest things I've ever done. And none of those kids are going to make it to the pros. The chances of that are infinitesimal. I'd love to see one of them do it, but the chances of that, statistically, are very slim. But that doesn't stop them from going out there and giving up their heart. That doesn't stop them from going out there and hitting that ball with all their might. That doesn't stop them from running and gunning and trying their hardest to get to that base. Because if all of us just never did it because we'd never make the pros, we'd never be anywhere, friends. So maybe we're not going to be pros at it. Maybe we're not going to be all-time stars or set the world record. That should not stop us from trying ever. Keep trying, friends. Keep flying, friends, keep moving and keep doing. Until next week, thanks for joining me. That's Life Notes with Sheldon.

SPEAKER_01 23:40

Listen every week for a brand new note on life. We hope that we have given you a way to get off the sidelines and back into the game of life. As your best you've got to be