Stop Living In The Weeds

Outrage is easy to find, and it spreads like weeds. One quick scroll, one argument, one more clip of “vile” political discourse, and we drag the burrs home into our families, our sleep, and our peace of mind. I recorded this note to offer a different path: stay out of the weeds, look up, and remember the ordinary people who lived extraordinary lives right in front of us.

I pull a powerful idea from Ryan Holiday’s The Daily Dad and the story of Florence Nightingale: we can’t choose the family we come from, but we can choose which branches of the family tree we focus on and which stories we pass down. That simple choice changes everything, especially for parenting and raising good kids. If someone listened to our conversations for a week, would they think our heroes are politicians and celebrities, or would they hear us honoring Grandma, Grandpa, a mentor, a teacher, the neighbor who always showed up?

We also get practical about stress, mindset, and emotional regulation. A 67-year-old’s advice hits hard: “Don’t sweat the small stuff, and most of it is small stuff.” I share a real moment where I nearly let a small offense ruin a perfect New Mexico evening with my family, then walk through the “human superpower” of controlling your thoughts before they sink into your heart. Finally, I leave you with a challenge for your kids and a legacy question for all of us: who do you admire, and how will you become that person for someone else?

If this helped, subscribe, share it with a friend who’s stuck in the weeds, and leave a review so more people can find Life Notes with Sheldon. What story are you going to tell around the dinner table this week?

Transcript

Getting Out Of The Weeds

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Welcome to Life Notes with Sheldon, where we talk about ways to get off the sidelines and back into the game of life as your best you.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

Hello friends, and thank you for joining me on Life Notes with Sheldon, where we talk about ways to get off of the sidelines and back into the game of life as our very best selves. Today we're talking about staying out of the weeds that are out there right now. And if any of you have spent much time in New Mexico, you know that there are a lot of weeds. Our state grows weeds probably better than any other area. And you don't even really have to water them or think about them. They just come and they grow and they annoy you and you can get tangled up on them, and they have briars and thorns, and sometimes they blow across the highway and scratch your vehicle and cause trouble. But the weeds I'm talking about today are not the weeds of our fair state of New Mexico, but rather the weeds of politics, the weeds of social media, the weeds of outrage, and the weeds of arguing over things we have very little control over. Now, before I get into the realm of negativity, which I am not doing, I just want to say that on the way here, I looked up at the sky. And if you know what a Toy Story sky is, where it's that light blue with those perfectly manicured clouds that look almost uniform, it was the perfect sky. But you know, I can look up almost any time in New Mexico and see the perfect sky, and it's always different. It's one of the amazing things of our state. You know, it's called the land of enchantment for a reason. You may not know what that reason is, but maybe you just need to spend a little bit more time outside to find out. It is a beautiful state, many wonders to behold. And one of those wonders are the amazing people that are in it. So the strange thing is that many of us spend more time rather than looking up in the sky and enjoying nature talking about politicians, celebrities, internet personalities, than we do talking about the people who truly made us who we are.

A Stoic Lesson From Ryan Holiday

SPEAKER_02 2:13

So I was reading from the Daily Dad. This is Ryan Holliday. If you don't know him, he is the author of the Daily Stoic and the author of two life-changing books that were particularly influential in my life, one being Ego is the Enemy, and the follow-up to that being The Obstacle is the way. Highly recommend this author if you're looking for uh some motivation, inspiration, and some common sense, philosophy on life and making sense of the crazy time that we're in. Check out Ryan Holiday. Well, he came up with this book called The Daily Dad, 366 meditations on parenting, love, and raising great kids. And I listened to it and found it so great that uh I started, I actually listened to every one of these meditations and was just so impressed. I ordered about 10 of these books to give to friends and family who I thought would use them throughout the week, the year for Christmas. And I was reading from this uh this week and it shared the story of Florence Nightingale. Most people know her as the founder of modern nursing and a woman who changed the world. But what I found fascinating was the observation that maybe her greatness wasn't entirely an accident. Her family tree was full of people who served, sacrificed, led, and cared for others. She grew up hearing those stories, and she had powerful examples of this. And so the author made the point that while we can't choose the family we come from or the situations, we can choose which branches of that family tree we focus on and which stories we pass down to our children. Once again, we can't choose the family we come from. We can't choose our past. We can choose which branches of that family tree we focus on and which stories we pass down to our children. And that really got me to thinking: who do we really admire? You know, who is that? Who are those people that we really admire in life? If someone listened to our conversations for a week, who would they think our heroes are? Would they hear us talking about politicians? Would they hear us talking about celebrities? Would they hear us complaining about people we don't even know personally? Or would they hear us talking about our great Aunt Mary, or our grandma Verna, or our Aunt Elsie, or our Uncle Frank, or our grandpa Fred, these people who were instrumental, who served incredible examples, who helped form us, the aunt who always brought meals when someone was six, the grandfather who worked 60 years without complaining, the uncle who quietly served in the military and never complained about his injuries, the grandmother who never missed church and somehow always had enough love for everyone. I can almost guarantee that if you think for just a few minutes, you can think of somebody in your family who fits the description of that. Who's that person that always shows up? Who's that person who's gone through immense adversity and who's come out swinging and setting an example for others and still maintaining a positive outlook on life and looking for the best in others?

Why Political Outrage Sticks To You

SPEAKER_02 5:19

And it really got me to thinking all of the energy that political discourse has become just vile for lack of a better description. It's just disgusting on so many sides. The things that we see supposed leaders tweeting and posting out and going on newscasts and talking against each other, it really has become nothing short of vile. And so much so that when we submit ourselves to this, we are jumping into this weed pile of negativity, of briars and thorns. And if you've ever walked through a patch of weeds, particularly New Mexico tumbleweeds and some of those other weeds with those little fuzzy tops, you know that when you walk through those things, you take them home with you, whether you know it or not. And you may not know right away, but I guarantee you, two hours into the evening, you're gonna feel it somewhere in your sock or up your pant leg, you've taken some of those briars home and they're gonna remind you that they are there. And it's the same thing with the weeds of political discourse, the weeds of social media, the weeds of politics, the weeds of popular TV, the weeds of whatever the media is putting out as the latest saga. So when we trample through these things and we think we can just walk through and be fine, we're not just going to run through this patch of weeds. We take it home with us and it hurts. It hurts the ones we love. It comes back. We bring it home, we bring it with us. And so we need to avoid where we can and how we can this giant distraction that is supposed political discourse. Not because politics don't matter, they absolutely do, but we can become so consumed with national and regional arguments that we forget the people who actually influence and influenced our lives. The people who taught us integrity, who showed us kindness, who modeled hard work, who demonstrated faith, who taught us how to treat other people in the first place. I guarantee you, I guarantee you that if we found the vilest offenders of political speech that are out there on any given side, and if we just cornered that person a little bit and said, hey, who was the most influential person in your life? They surely would have a grandma, surely someone that they really admired and looked up to, somebody who would be very disappointed in the way that they were acting if they could just think of it. And it's like, how do you forget? How do you abandon these people who taught you so well and just go out and trample in this weed patch of vile, nasty, rude discourse? And what are you trying to accomplish by doing it? Are you just trying to one up your opponent? Are you just trying to see who can be the rudest or the lewdest, the crudest, the most unabashedly decent human being? And if you do accomplish that, what have you accomplished in the long run? Because honestly, truthfully, when you go through to the end of your life and it's time that you take your final breaths, are you gonna be thinking about the jerk in high school or the person who cut you off or the neighbor who was a total jerk and caused a problem for three years of your life? Are you gonna even remember or care about those people? No, it's gonna be the people who were there all along for you in your life. It's gonna be the people who formed you, who gave you life, who taught you how to live. And it's gonna be the people that you brought into this world and that you influenced for the good. You know,

Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

SPEAKER_02 8:55

I came across a man today. He is uh how old is he? 67 years old. And I'm gonna be 46 this year. Seems weird to say that. 46 years old, exactly the age that my parents were when I thought they were ancient and completely out of touch with reality. I am that person, I am that age. And it's kind of scary to say, but this man was from the Alamos, Colorado, Sanford area in Colorado. And as I sat down and had a conversation with him, I finally said, Hey, look, so you got 20 years on me. Feel like you've had a pretty successful life, your kids are doing well. Sounds like you have grandparents, grandkids who love you. You've done pretty well. Tell me, what would you go back in time and tell yourself, your 45-year-old self, who's going to be 46-year-old this year? And he thought about it for a while and he said, It's just small stuff. And don't sweat the small stuff. And you know what? Almost all of it is small stuff. Just don't freak out over so many things. Don't worry so much about it because so much of these things are really small things. I thought about that for a while. I thought about it long and towards the end of our service shift together where we were serving and volunteering, I said, uh, you know, thanks for sharing that with me. I think that is largely the key to happiness in this life. I truly do.

SPEAKER_01 10:16

Don't sweat the small stuff, and most of it is small stuff.

SPEAKER_02 10:20

You know, so many times in so many interactions that I have, I associate with people who are so worried about what could arguably be called the dumbest things, something their neighbor said, or something someone posted about them, or something that somebody may have said something about them at one time, or somehow they found a way to get offended. And they are worrying about these things so much and giving so much energy and time to whatever this little offense was, and it totally stills their peace, and it totally stills their happiness, and it totally stills their peace of mind. And I'm just astounded at how often I watch people totally wholesale give up their peace for something small. Almost

The Skill Of Controlling Thoughts

SPEAKER_02 11:09

happened to me the other day. Somebody called and they got really upset about something. And what hurt about it is this particular individual had told me something was bothering them, and so I made a phone call to try and get it fixed. But the way that it fixed was not to their liking, and they got really upset about it. So it's dinged if you do and dinged if you don't sometimes. And I started really to get my feelings hurt over this, right? I was having a great night with my family, and you know how it works. It starts to get in your head, and then it ruminates in your head, and it if it makes it way into your heart, you don't ever let it get into your heart because it's hard to dig things out of your heart once they get past your head. So there it was in my headspace, free, paying no rent, causing me trouble.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

And as I thought about it and as I started stewing on it, I felt a little more slighted and a little more hurt and started thinking it was a little bit more unfair.

SPEAKER_02 12:03

And I stopped myself and I said, Sheldon, you are not doing this. You're not going down this path. You're better than this, you're bigger than this, you're smarter than this. And why in the heck are you gonna ruin this beautiful evening, this beautiful New Mexico summer evening with your family? Why are you gonna take from that and give to this small thing that doesn't matter? Then in probably eight to nine hours and certainly three or four days, we'll be totally forgotten. Are you really gonna give this time and energy and this frustration to this and take from this time of peace that you have with your family? What are you doing? And I was able to control it. Took some deep breaths, a little walk, got some fresh air, and you know what?

SPEAKER_01 12:43

After a few minutes, it was better.

SPEAKER_02 12:45

And after 10 minutes, it was forgotten. And I had a really great evening. And this is a human superpower that very few people, sadly, never tap into in this life. And it is perhaps their greatest human superpower is the power to control your thoughts in any given situation. And it's hard. And like any advanced skill, it takes practice, it takes determination, it takes putting in the grind to learn how to do this and to really try. But it is possible and it can happen. And perhaps more than anything I will ever tell you or talk about, this could be the most life-changing, powerful tool that I could offer you. So the next time that happens, do that. Ask yourself, am I really going to jump in the mire? Am I really going to jump into weeds and the crud and wallow in this and take it home with me? Or am I going to enjoy this moment of peace that I have? Sadly, we all have to work. We all have to go and do things the next day. We have to do things we don't want to do in this life. And sadly, the free time that we do have, so many of us waste with this needless worrying over things that are small. Why do we do that? I don't know. I really don't know. But we can become so consumed with these arguments and these things and these petty grievances that show up that we miss out on the people that are worth remembering and the good experiences that are worth remembering, and the people and the events and the good that we should be talking about around the dinner table with our families rather than worrying and feeling sided. So

A Family Story Challenge For Kids

SPEAKER_02 14:21

this week I have a challenge for you. Ask your kids a question Who is someone in our family that you admire and why? And then tell them a story. Tell them about a grandparent. Tell them about a great-grandparent, an aunt, an uncle, a neighbor, a mentor. Tell them about ordinary people who lived extraordinary lives because raising good children is not an accident. Like Florence Nightingale. Character is not an accident. Tradition isn't an accident. Somebody planted those seeds long before us. And now it's our turn. It's our turn to do

Uncle Bill And Paying It Forward

SPEAKER_02 15:01

it. I had a dear great uncle who became a dear friend, gave me my first real job, and I worked with him and for him for quite a few years before I graduated and moved on and got married and came back and uh started kind of working for him again, although not in a work capacity, but more of a help capacity. It turns out at uh 80 plus years old, he always needed something, and I would go and help out, and you know what? I would always get more than I gave because there'd always be some great story about my grandpa or my grandma or my great aunt or uncle or the valley here that happened and things that happened. And I loved spending time with this individual. I gained a lot of knowledge about my ancestors and about history and about work and common sense. The guy had a whole lot of horse common sense, believe it or not. And he taught me a lot. And I got a lot from my uncle Bill. But when he passed away, I was kind of feeling sorry for myself. And I talked to his daughter and I called her, and she's kind of a no-nonsense, horse sense kind of gal, too, here in our community. And I said, you know, I'm kind of feeling bad about this. I'm kind of feeling lost. He was my mentor. He was a real guide. He was a real friend. And I feel kind of lost. I feel kind of bad. And this is what she said. And it struck me as a little harsh at first, but then it really made sense to me. And she said, Sheldon, if Uncle Bill was here, he'd tell you to quit feeling sorry for yourself. And he'd tell you to get up and get after it. And she said, Here's what you need to do. Be grateful that you had someone like that in your life. But now forget about yourself and go be that Uncle Bill for somebody else. That's what you need to do. That's the way you serve. That's the way you honor his legacy. That's the way you give back. Powerful advice, powerful statement. Cut a little bit right in there as I wanted to feel sorry for myself and take this moment of uh kind of confusion and grief. But you know what? It was the right thing to say. It was a thing I needed to hear. And maybe it's the thing that you need to hear too, if you're wallowing in self-pity or if you're wallowing in loss, if you're wallowing in offense. Think of, and one of my favorite Anne Frank quotes who went through utter hell in every sense of the word, and who still found the decency and positivity to come up with this quote. Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy. Think of all the beauties still left around you and be happy. I'll say it one more time. Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy. Friends, you don't have to look very far for immensely beautiful things and immensely beautiful people all around you. And if you do have to look very hard, you may need to move and find a new community. And by community, I mean the people closest to you. It's not necessarily a geographical thing, it's who we let into our lives. And family is largely those people that we choose to allow into our lives. So, friends, if you're struggling, if you're struggling with the feeling of being hurt, offended, slided, if you're just finding yourself in a pot of self-pity, find out who is that person that loved you, that cared for you, that taught you, that sacrificed for you, or that was just your friend when you needed it most. Maybe they're not here anymore, and that's sad and true. But now it's time for you to get up and get after it. And go and be that Aunt Mary or that Uncle Bill or that Henrietta or that neighbor or that teacher, that person that was that mentor for you, go and be that for somebody else. That's the way you honor them, that's the way you honor yourself, and that's the way you pass that great gift down. And friends, if we get great valuable gifts, isn't it an honor to pass them on? Think of think of uh somebody who took care of their first car, right? It's a 57 Chevrolet. It was their first real car, and they took care of it and they babied it and they cared it, and when they treated it in for a larger suburban because they had to have a family room for their family, they kept it in the garage and the hay barn covered for years. And then when their kids moved out, they took it out and polished it up and worked on it daily and checked on it and cared for it. Well, when they pass away, what do they want to do? They want to leave that gift for someone else that they love, leave that gift that brought them joy, that's a symbol of that time in their life when they had so many wonderful things happen. They want to pass that on. That's what we should want to do, friends. If we've had the gift of someone's friendship, the gift of someone's mentorship, the gift of someone's kindness, we should want to pass that on. We should want to care for it and cherish it. And the greatest gift that we can give is to pay that forward. And if we get stuck in the junk and we get stuck in the weeds, and worse we drive ourselves over to it and get out of the car and walk and wallow in it, we will not have the time, nor the energy, nor the good fortune to be able to get ourselves in the headspace that we need to be in to be able to even come near approaching our best selves, our greatest potential.

Choose Your Inputs And Your Priorities

SPEAKER_02 20:26

Friends, life is short, life is short, life is short, it goes so fast. We are the sum of our interactions and relationships with others, and anything that detracts or deters from that is decreasing that over time. What do we want at the end of our existence? What do we want at the end of our lives? Hopefully, it's positive, lasting, impactful relationships and community filled and formed together by our faith. If that's not what we're striving for, and if that's not what we want, then perhaps we need to reconsider our priorities and reconsider what we really think is great in this life. Because power, prestige, prominence, having the last word or the most cutting remark may seem fun at a time, but when's the last time that you ever flipped a guy off who pulled in front of you or you really gave it to someone, you really yelled at them, or you really came up with the most cutting remark that you really felt good about yourself afterwards? Did you really? And if you did, you need to start questioning maybe your decency and your priorities. Because when I have felt best about myself, it's when I have done the most good, done the better good, been the better person. Done the better thing. And I think that if you look into your heart of heart, you can say the same thing. So, friends, let's be cautious and careful what we tune into. Don't become like the people that you see right now in the political landscape. Fortunately, ours locally is much more civil and honestly really decent. The races that I've seen here have been incredible. We have incredibly decent, good people. On the national stage, I can't say the same thing. So why are you like a dog going back to their vomit? The saying goes, why do you keep searching this out? Why do you keep tuning into it? Be informed, but not obsessive. Be alert, but not overzealous. Friends, remember what's most important and tune into those things that are going to help you be the very best that you can for those who have been the very best for you.

Choose Your Heroes Carefully

SPEAKER_02 23:01

We don't become what we repeatedly criticize. We become what we repeatedly admire. So choose your heroes carefully and make sure that your children know who they are. Until next week, this is Life Notes with Sheldon. Thanks, friends.

SPEAKER_00 23:31

You have been listening to LifeNotes with Sheldon. Listen every week for a brand new note on life. We hope that we have given you a way to get off the sidelines and back into the game of life.